Growing up the DIY way - Kate Brudenell

I'm back. My left hand isn't quite what it was, but I'm being a brave little soldier nonetheless. I'm just flouncing around the land and mentioning the pain every other minute or so. If I'm suffering...

I feel compelled to share quite how much of an effect taking on the allotment has had on my attitudes towards large DIY outlets.

Since I was a youngster, I have taken a zero tolerance attitude to crossing the thresholds of 'sheds' (as I believe the trade experts call such retail outlets - ahem) and eschewed all opportunities to browse their rows of tools, pallets of turf and trollies of vacuum packed compost.

As a child, I accepted that I had little choice but to accompany my parents and siblings on our obligatory Sunday trips to out-of-town retail parks to visit B&Q or suchlike. In the same good spirit, my parents accepted that it was safer not to force me to go into the warehouses with them and we reached a sensible compromise.

We agreed that I would indeed go with them, but on the proviso that I was allowed to stay in the car, in the car park, while they enjoyed all the delights that the outlet had to offer. As per rules about dogs left in cars, my window would be wound down a little to allow fresh air to circulate and if I was a really good girl, I was allowed to have the radio on. This happened with the explicit understanding that if I went anywhere near the car keys and/or the ignition, my unthinkable punishment would be to have to go with them into the shop every time they went from that point on.

I find that having acquired the land, I have not been able to avoid facing my fear/hatred of DIY places. I couldn't get around needing a fork, spade and rake. With a racing heart, my first trip to B&Q was perfunctory and businesslike. No browsy pottering for me. I found what I wanted and I made my escape in about 15 minutes.

The second time I visited, I'm ashamed to say that I betrayed my former self and found myself, well...almost enjoying looking at all the plants and earthenware. I was lured down the seeds aisle and led astray by the seedling trays and before I knew it, my trolley was filling up and I got that retail therapy buzz. That normally happens to me in Topshop, not Homebase.

What has become of me?